I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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