i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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