: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
