I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
