Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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