Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
