I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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