I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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