I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
