I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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