I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
