Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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