Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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