by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize