We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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