hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
