Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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