I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
