Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh god it's open bar.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
