now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
