That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize