Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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