; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
