I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
