it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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