Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
not ubering you a puppy
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