It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
