hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
