make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
