anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
