I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
