Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
