Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
