Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
