im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
