so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
