Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize