Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
