I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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