So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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