I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
