I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
