I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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