the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
