well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
