she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
