You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
