I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
