Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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