it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
