yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
