We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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