Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
