I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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