I feel like abortions should bother me more
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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