you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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