I think im going to throw up on grandma
that's an acceptable place to lick
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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