Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
