No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
