I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
