Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
