Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
