I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
