did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
