ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
