I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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