DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
