Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
