I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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