i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
