Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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