Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
