So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
