Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
