This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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