I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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