You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
