Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
