That's intense
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
