you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
