Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
