I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
