3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
