u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize