at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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