i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Holy shit dude........stairs
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