my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think I am morally bankrupt
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize