I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
