Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
