I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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