I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
